As seen in the Five Towns Jewish Times

Internal Family Systems by Nomi Steinberg, LCSW

If you’re familiar with the psychology space, you’ve probably heard of the Internal Family Systems Method, or IFS — a modality used in therapy. It seems to be all the rage these days, and for good reason. Various different models have become “in vogue” as therapists dipped their feet in and tested them out. As of late, many therapists and their clients are currently drawn to this particular model because of its non-patholigizing and relatable nature.

While IFS was discovered by a man named Richard Shwartz, IFS principles are actually rooted in our own literature, dating back to the Tanya published in the late 1700s - no surprise there! In fact, many of the evidence based modalities that I’ve come across and learned to love are rooted in the Torah and other Jewish literature.

So, whether you’ve only heard of IFS, actually tried it in your own therapy work, or just want to learn more about it, this article may be for you.

IFS is rooted in the belief that we are all made of different parts. A common IFS phrase might be, “a part of me feels this way, and another part of me feels that way.” People are not one dimensional, rather, we are multifaceted, nuanced, and made up of various components. And each component or part has a positive underlying intention.

Often, through adverse and difficult childhood experiences, our different parts can become injured and forced out of their naturally helpful states.

To illustrate, if someone was treated in a way that made them feel unimportant or unseen, they may take on the burden of worthlessness or invisibility. Once our parts are burdened, they can behave in ways that feel overwhelming and reactive. These parts — the parts that carry the burden — are referred to as Exiles in IFS lingo, and our systems do our best to avoid that shame at all costs.

For instance, when a client named Shlomo* came into the office irate about his family not responding to a message about his daughter’s birthday party on his family chat, he threatened to remove himself from the chat and cut off ties with his family for good. His reaction, seemingly over the top, is the result of a wounded part that always feels irrelevant and unimportant. When triggered, this part (referred to as a Firefighter) becomes impulsive, chaotic, and reactive. Its goal is to block out the pain of the Exile.

Another example might be that of Shira* - a young 24-year-old mom who struggles with perfectionism and anxiety. Shira is an overachiever studying to become a dentist. Her anxiety over excelling in dental school, as well as her fear of failure are impairing her ability to function. The perfectionistic part, referred to as a Manager in IFS, is proactive, socially acceptable, and future oriented. And through IFS, Shira understands that this perfectionist part of her stems from a deep fear of not being good enough, which she often felt around her overly critical mother.

In IFS, we welcome the wounded parts in the room and give them voice, developing a trusting relationship with them so they can be seen, heard and witnessed. As a result, we get to know each part’s stories and needs.

One of the core foundations of IFS is that as humans, we are NOT defined by what happens to us. Rather, we’re simply people who have experienced painful things, but despite these difficulties and traumas, we still have our Self(another IFS buzzword) remaining kind, calm, compassionate, curious, and untarnished. In Judaism we might refer to this as our neshama - the spirit or the soul.

A goal of IFS is to achieve a certain balance and harmony between all of one’s parts, restore trust with the Self, liberate our parts from extreme roles, and differentiate them from the Self. When a part feels deeply seen and understood, there is room for it to unburden. It may then be able to move out of a space where it feels stuck, and into a new, calm, and more centered place.